[Note; theese are scribes from the talk, somewhat edited, mainly not, some context may have gone missing, but here are the main directions of tha talk uncencored]

I thought i used to write books and then talk about it. Now i talk and do. I grew up listening to my mother talking in the kitchen. I want to talk about this.


Today i want to talk about these three words. For, with, by,

How do we prevent babies in Africa being born with HIV?
In the western world, it doesn't happen that an HIV smitten mother bares a child with HIV, but it happens all the time in Africa. Genocide is going there as we speak.

When a mother is pregnant, she need to  take a blood test, in order to see if she has HIV, and that is, if HIV positive, she is give drugs. Before this project* mothers were so devastated, they would not take the drugs, they would just run, and not come back. Therefore so many lonely children with HIV. The best HIV doctors working with these issues, have noticed, that if you set a mother with HIV (an on medical drugs), helps a just recently informed HIV positive mother, the probability of “mother helping mothers” will occur, the newly informed will take the medication.

If you get a person that will bare “with” you (another mother on the same solution), things will get better, because of the mere fact that, you were not alone.


So how do we ask questions today?
The quality of question will give you an according answer.

If you want people to come up with an answer to how do we live a healthy life, ask them what it means to live a healthy life, and what it means to then, and they will give you the answers.

i will do something for you
i will do something with you
i will do something by you

There are a few experiences that are great for us, when people do them for us, and others you do with others. Some of the things we value the most, come from care, love, respect recognition and relations. With out you relationships you are nothing.

“The wire, it is the best tv series created - it seems. Watching that, i like doing myself.”

Some things i like doing myself, i like writing by myself.


Name a few things you want to be doing with people or not by these words:

What do you like having done for you:
choices (but you need a structured help, guidance, you like to make the final choice)


What do you like doing with others:
eat
cooking
developing, creating, travel, buy, gardening, talking
celebrating
travel

What do you like doing by yourself:
running
writing
reading


Some experiences are better shared when WITH others. Concerts.

BY experiences, act of yourself.

The middle-class older people that lived longest. They danced their whole life. They had their relationships there, their friends there. If you want to live long start dancing.


With solutions - look sideways, outside.
politics - Thomas Hobbs.
pins and needles, Adam smith (if we all do what we are best we can share and exchange with each other)
cars mass production, henry ford
Architecture - Corbusier, never worked with people, just design for them (Learning, art and science.)

For solutions make sense when…
Knowing and learning from experts to people
Organisations

The fundamental thing about trust is that we do not trust ourselves. That’s why we need Personal Trainers, and bankers.

For Solutions carry dangers:
Doing “For” becoming
The rise of Self-interested systems

There is a important issue and difference between thing being done “to” you than “for” you.

When big corporations are not doing thing for you, but to you. Hobbs solution was, we will fight each other unless we have governments that will do things for you.


Cities
Cities as places “For” and “To”.

Exchange, diversity opportunity
Mass services - transport, water, waste
Constraints on our freedom can be essential
They bring the benefits of “For” and “To”.

“With” Values
Most of we value comes from relationships.
You cant buy a friend on e-bay.

With solutions
Barack obama was a “with” concept. Social media aspect.
- Politics
- work
- learning
- environment
- art

The scariest thing about the american police is that they have no idea about “with”.

I cant work for large corporations ever again, they make me feel like I do thing to people, and the management do things to me.


The downsize of “with”
dysfunctional relationships
communities that are traps
dialogue discourses.

Cities as places that work “with”
platform for collaboration
Public, spaces, shared facilities
Social network
fluid and fixed.

“For” vs. “With”
Different models of change.
justice for example.

Caught in a clash of cultures, values and organisational models.
For models, delivering things for people, is changing to users doing stuff for others users.

Best models for x3
- Mothers2Mothers
Grameen, Barefoot college
Facebook, Apple,
Wiki, Linux
Public health
Sustainability.

I think we will a growth of “with” things, but controlled “by” someone. Imagine a city build by facebook - it would probably be a really boring city, all the houses would be the same shape. Cities are build with chaos, and with some control.


For example energy and transport you need to have a big state behind when its build.  Lets look over who we work with, and often we do, how do you work with them.

20th century: for and to solutions
21st century: with and by solutions

Most of the others solutions treat people like objects. Intimacy at scale is what we need.

If there is one questions, is its, how do you think “with”.